Friday, May 20, 2011

Who Knows What the Future Holds?

We can never be absolutely certain what the future holds.  Well, excepting death, of course.  Some would say we may conquer death and finagle our way into life everlasting, but I disagree.  And if I'm wrong, living forever would still not be my choice!

I'm at a crossroads now, and it's a scary and exciting place.  For the past six years, I have been a stay-at-home mom.  Now, I am getting ready to return to full-time work, hopefully in the late summer/early fall.  I'm also preparing to move into my very own apartment, to live alone for the first time.  It feels incredibly liberating. And frightening. Some days it's all just completely overwhelming.  But I am ready, willing and able.

Whatever else, I feel the future has some very bright times ahead for me.  There will most certainly be times of struggle along the way, as well.  That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger, it is said.  I am strong and capable and I have a network of friends who love and support me.  Knowing I have their unconditional love is a powerful force for me.

Some moments I am fully immersed in a strange combination of anxiety and anticipation.  It feels very odd because the anxiety is of the sort that settles a large pit down into your belly and a tight feeling into your chest...resulting in a feeling of being wound beyond what is comfortable.  In learning to observe my anxiety, I hopefully will progress to then learning to accept it, embrace it and break it's occasional hold on me.